Oh, I'm at the airport.
Oh, you didn't know? Whenever I'm at the airport, I have an incessant
need to call everyone I know. If I'm not calling people at the airport
-- oh, I can't hear you, I'm in the airport -- if I'm not calling
someone, then I would have proof that I have no friends. It's just
inconceivable that I wouldn't have someone to call.
NOW BOARDING FLIGHT 757...
Oh, gosh, I'm about to get on the plane. But rather than get off the
phone and end this call that was made solely because I am in the
airport, I will just make everything take longer. Oh, I'm in the
Oh, you're at work? Really? Oh, well it won't be much longer. I'm at
the airport. I can't believe you're at work. I mean, it is 2 pm on a
Tuesday and there's a 99 percent chance that if you have a job, you
would be at work, I just think it's SO WEIRD that you're at work. Oh,
I'm not at work. I'm at the airport.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FORWARD DOOR IS CLOSED, PLEASE SHUT OFF ...
Hello? Hi Doodie, I just wanted to let you know I was here and was all
checked in. My flight's on time, so thanks for bringing me.*
*this is an exact quotation. This leads me to believe 1) she was
calling anthropomorphic feces, 2) that can drive, 3) and that in the
event that her flight had not been on time, she would be angry at the
anthropomorphic feces for driving her to the airport.
This person also was telling person #3 (the person before
Anthropomorphic feces) that she has a mortgage for 40,000 and a second
mortgage for 15,000. She should have skipped flying to Atlanta, she
could have paid off her f---ing mortgages.
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